I love black thongs
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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