if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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