this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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