Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
