He asked to "fluff my boner.."
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
