I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
