i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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