I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
