Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
