Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
