Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
