I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
