Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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