i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
