I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
