She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
