I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
