got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
