thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
