So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
