help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
