I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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