That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
