Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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