Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
