Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
