Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
