so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
