we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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