I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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