Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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