I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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