shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Randomize
