I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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