i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
