We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
