I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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