so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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