Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
