Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
