FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
