i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
