if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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