we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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