I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Small penises have feelings too.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
