Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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