so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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