my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize