just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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