OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
