So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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