When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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