careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
