My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
