why didn't you poke me back
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
