My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I am puke
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
