Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
