Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
