dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
soo... how was my night?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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