New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
