Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
tell me about the fingering
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