My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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