laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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