Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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