I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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