I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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