i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
