Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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