Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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