Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
