just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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