She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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