I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
